I woke up this morning feeling better than I had in a few days. Anyone with half a sense more than me would most definitely have the decency to be stress eating and irritable. But not me and feel free to share your comments on this topic, but for me I strangely feel at my very best when everything is falling to pieces. This characteristic isn’t new either, I can remember being four and five and feeling more at ease when I was being bullied by my older brothers then when everything was quiet. I imagine if I went to a psychiatrist they would qualify this as a survival mechanism. But as I was saying this has always been how my life went, when things were going well, I did whatever I could do to ruin it or at least mess it up. As I start my journey into my forties, it is the one thing that I’ve held onto and that has been a constant in my life. Again I don’t know many people, actually I don’t know anyone who would view this as a good thing, but for me it is definitely an energy stabilizer.
For the record though I am no ones victim, and I have hardly had such a horrible life that I would even describe myself as a survivor either. The reality of life for me is that we are all born and obstacles are placed sporadically throughout our years and the real test is how we deal with those obstacles. Eventually everyone you come in contact with will have a story, think about just three of your friends, in the time that you’ve known these three people, haven’t you been witness to their ups and downs. Sorrow and strife really don’t have a favorite type, sadness doesn’t discriminate. Hard times, and I promise this has been a revelation over the last 2 years, come to each of us that are walking this earth, of course the closer it hits to our own home, the more devastating and crippling it feels but ultimately we are all at the bulls-eyes side of that dart. The major lesson I have learned is you can truly laugh and smile away even the darkest of days. How many of you are reading this right now and wondering where these words are coming from, remember the parts we decide to share with those around us, are not always the truest indications of who we really are at our core.
So for me life comes in waves and sometimes we hit the wave just right and ride it onto the beach unharmed but from time to time…the waves pull us under and push us out of our comfort zone. Having more money, being in love,wearing designer clothes and driving fancy cars are not necessarily out of reach, but when you place too much emphasis on material things, the only one who is losing out is you. Spending all this extra time at home while maneuvering through the financial and emotional roller coaster of life right now could easily be viewed as a horrible situation but today I choose to view it as my chance to prove to myself that I have what it takes to be the best me possible. And that sort of pride in oneself fits better than designer jeans and taste more delicious than any five star meal.
Living the dream one day at a time…and loving the struggle.